Sep 05
DEAD
i thought that what we’ve been through would make us stronger, together~ seeing friends break up before our eyes made me, at least, feel that i would do anything to prevent such things from happening to us.
sadly it still did, i feel so torn apart. and i feel my heartache with every beat, as soon as you mentioned those hurtful words. i know i’m not perfect, you should’ve accepted me the way i was. i accepted your flaws, all of it.
i loved you too much, i really can’t live without you anymore. I’m finding means and ways to console myself but to no avail. i would go to places which we’ve been to before, i’d cry my heart out with every memory i recall, hoping that everything would turn numb.
i told my friends that you were “my other half”, and that my life was so blissful, it’s not about spending too much money on you, its the smile and love i yearn to see & feel so much. your words, “thanks dear~” meant alot to me, it made me feel fulfilled. These are the things that i want to do, you shouldn’t have felt indebted to me at all.
i don’t want you to leave, but i am very tired of begging you to come back everytime this happens. the tears, the hurt, the disappointment, the pride… i decided that if you’d really wanted to go i shouldn’t force you to stay anymore. after all, i promised that i wouldn’t restrict you and your decisions before.
i still love you, honestly. but know that i loved you enough to let you go and i would rather be the one who bears all the pain. I cry to sleep, and wake up in the middle of the night, hugging our darling domos, crying again.
sometimes i would imagine domo saying, “mummy! don’t cry~” like you would and it’s just too much to take. my heart hurts, it really does, physically. A heart is like a glass; Once broken it shatters into many pieces; You hurt yourself picking the sharp fragments up; And time flies piecing back the 3 dimensional jigsaw puzzle; Fill it up with life and it still leaks thru the nooks and crannies; i would rather not have a heart anymore.
i honestly want to harm myself, for doing things that i did. for making you mad, for troubling your friends and your parents and causing hurt to anyone because of you. i feel guilty.
i’ve just pierced my ear, actually i re-pierced it, and stuffed a super thick ear stud through. the pain will last for a few days i hope it’s enough.
